Happy Birthday Tarty!!!
mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Listen...
I don't know why yet.
I don't know why.
It's one of those days.
The frequency is high.

The new moon is up there.
Blue pigs might fly.
The words that are flowing
Could make some person cry.

I don't know why yet.
I don't know why.
It's one of those mornings.
Wildberry pie.

--elisa

This was playing on my windows media player as I was typing my frustrated thought into my status message this morning.  In the event I change it...and I do, often, I'll retype it here.

Elisa is: amazed at the ignorance of a white female social studies teacher and her narrow view of things associated with the harlem renaissance, which she is grading when she has inaccurate racist white accounts only.  Breathing in and..........

I held back a LOT in that status message.  Primarily due to space.  I was also thinking that I did not want to look like a jerk having a rant.  But, I am(or was when I wrote it).  I rose to meet her ignorance with a brick wall of my own.  I dislike having to bend and alter myself when confronted with oppression.  It somehow seems wrong that the one oppressed must also be one who can see inner reactions and behavior and do the right thing.  The right thing being to communicate well.  Doing this seems to give or to show an oppressor that they have won or are correct.  Doing the right thing seems to appear as an act of submission.  This is far from the truth.  I'm thinking that perhaps this perception of the opressor many times is what truly angers me.  I think I wish I could grow beyond this anger.  Though as I type I think that if I grow beyond it, I have given in.  Though something inside says otherwise.  I want my thoughts and massive efforts to be seen and to have counted for something.  I want to be acknowledged.  I want the abuser and oppressor to speak of their wrong action and to amend it darn them all!!  If that is childish, well, then it is. 

In the reverse, have I become the oppressor myself when another expresses their own understandings and thinkings and I wish to skewer them with how insensitive, stupid, hurtful and ignorant those expressed parts of them are? 

So, listen to the video again and see how you feel after!  Spins and dances and hugs myself to soothe whatever might be ruffled so that I might do the same for that teacher and everyone else like her and like me!

Good day...happy thinking!

I have been searching for benitoite for a short while now.  The bits I found seemed rare and highly expensive.  I cannot afford that.  So, I've been praying that if I have been searching for it in the wrong manner, the more correct would come along.  Or, better yet the actual rock!

In another unrelated person to person to thing story, like the one with the essential oils, I found a very expensive looking site but he gets the pieces himself.  I called and left a message and forgot.  He called me this morning.  He said yes very rare very expensive.  And then he said but let me go down to the basement and rummage thru the tiny bit boxes!  He found me a very small piece with not only one but two of the rocks I have wanted on it!  It wouldn't be considered a lot for most people but to me it is still to much to purchase all at once.  He put it aside until I call him and tell him I changed my mind or can purchase it!!  How wonderful of him to take the time!

May you also find him helpful.  Treasure Mountain Mining

Good Morning. 
Last night the children and I helped an older man that has some issues and that doesn't' seem to like people very much.  We always say hi, and leave him his space.  It bothers me that people actually seem to give him a wide berth physically in public.  He wears black and even has a high scarf on in the summer.  He keeps his hands covered by long sleeves or gloves.  He will even scarf around his face under his hat some days.  I made the assumption this was a sun issue he has. 

He seems to live alone and has no trespassing signs all over his home.  But, it is wonderful to see him out in the evening when it is getting dark or earlier morning tending to his small yard and the shrubs.  He stays all covered up then also.  The children when they were taking the city bus to school reported that his grass was up to about three feet and wondered if he had moved.  They said they had not seem him about the house. 

He is very old so I wondered if he had passed away, so I thought I need to see him to ask if he is ok.  And, voila!  There he was at the grocery store.  I said hi but he rather ignored.  I thought, I need to see him close to his house to ask him if he needs help with the yard or anything else.  There he was carrying bags home.  He shyed a little.  So I said, we are concerned for you.  We think your yard is always so beautiful and we noticed it now and wondered if you might be in ill health. 

He relaxed and seemed shocked that anyone took the time to notice.  He said his mower is electric and it has been very rainy so not safe to use it.  And now it was too high to do.  I made arrangements to know when he might be home so that we could stop.

He answered the door yesterday.  We worked on the yard.  He came out too!  And mowed.  He even chattered to my son, showing him about the safety thing on the mower though he was reluctant to let us help with that part.  I was just myself and needed a broom so I went to the five men out on the sidewalk the house behind his and asked for a broom.  They did not so much want to help.  And I said, well we are helping that nice man clean up his yard he's not been so able, but I don't think he's used to talking to people and would not be able to ask for help.

I got a broom and the one guy went and got an electric leaf blower, but we only had one power source.  Gotta like happy helpful people and stuff rubbing off!  It looked like there might have been some poison ivy in the lilacs at the front of his house so I wasn't touching or letting him mow that.  But I kept thinking sigh I wish there was some way to get that mowed down.  The neighbor on his front side came out to mow his own lawn.  He laughed at me and said nope i'm not afraid of spraying poison ivy oil all over, and before the older man could see what he was doing he mowed the front of the yard down!  He said, "how did you get him to talk to you, he really seems not to like people?" and I said I'm magic, and he laughed.

Anyway, along the side of his house he had these most beautiful purple bearded irises in with the weeds.  He seemed reluctant for us to have to weed it by hand, but we did it anyway.  It reminded me that for three seasons mine have never bloomed so I googled and got my simple answer.  I also ran into a statement about essential oil...specifically cedar.  I got some of it a year or so ago for some reason...probably man connected so I could see what he smelled of(the reason would be another discussion).  Anyway for this whole time I keep moving the vial off to the side and somehow it keeps getting moved right above where I keep my son's medications. 

His meds don't seem to be working like they should or we are just into a very bumpy patch.  Oppositional aggressive actions, detentions, in school suspensions and so on.  The article said that in testing on mri functional scans that cedar oil is one of three that is 83% effective at managing adhd!  It said to just put a small dab onto forehead.  I ran into basil also, I love that stuff I sniff it to clear my head and wake me up.  I found that it is used to clear mental fatigue and also for clarity.  I find it amazing the long chain of events that had to occur to lead me to this.  It is like that over and over but not always so loudly or obviously. 

Now, to my question.  Does anyone here use essential oils in practice? have any good sources? know of scientific/medically reproduceable testing with them?  If so, please share!

Happy Energy!

I remembered
only by pain
to look
again at simple things
only because it took effort to do them

to wake up
push thru the blanket in the mind
pulling it off sensually
efforts to avoid the slap of reality
but life on life's terms
reminded me

i felt the breath
felt the fabric slide across my skin
stretch awake each fibre finger and toe
as I thought i wanted to postpone
awareness

firm floor under my feet
warm clothes sliding on
keys jingling down into my pocket
tea in my mouth
bright light outside
cold
the tempting scent of spring
the smile bubbling forth with that spring
reminded to have joy in each moment

bumpy wheat toast
nutty scent
beautiful tangy cheeses
fresh apple slice crisp
tender green leaves
another happy sip of tea

hiding
knowing
experiencing
wisdom
running away
maybe
they feel the same

--by elisa

My highest self is a snob so there aren't any other selves..although this creates an issue with the collective
since we are not of singular mind
do people that aren't multiples have this trouble?
No matter my highest snobby self says we are smarter and better than all of you.
after all, we are highest and a lowest couldn't possibly be of any worth at all

yes, yes I do

so many opinions
is it good or bad
i call it living, i think
or is it suffering?

i try to close my eyes
and still i can see
i roll me into cotton
and can simply feel the tears

so, i keep looking

--by elisa

For over three days now I've heard "go out and shovel down to bare grass in the yard and pray".  Things like what are you waiting for and why are you ignoring and fine keep doing what you are doing have begun to be tacked onto the end of it.  So, since someone up there felt the need to encase the car in ice so badly that there was NOTHING i could do to scrape it off and keep me stuck here--maybe preventing my most horrid death or smacking me on my thick and angry head.  I pulled the car back into the sun thinking that at 21 degrees this would do little but feeling powerless thought it worth the attempt.  Out into the yard with shovel I went, wearing jammies under mismatched sweats and an odd looking pair of shoes.  In went the shovel, insides muttered what a stupid idea quit cryin and raging.  In vehemently went the shovel as I told that voice to shut up but with more loud swearing.

It felt good to crack the ice on the top and heft the snow.  No grass,,just a thick layer of ice from before, but I had hope so, I kept digging.  It felt good to channel physical energy down thru my feet to the ground for balance and coil up my angry and move the snow with it.  I decided to make a path to the bush outside the window where I sit and then feed the birds.  I began to giggle like a loon too.  The energy from the sun felt very good.

I came back into the house to make the popcorn.  Took it back out, looked toward the car for some reason, saw it entirely ice free in the sun side anyway.  I heard God does for you what you could not do for yourself(someone else tacked on a 'ya nut'--this is a soul friend entirely too pleased with himself)  So, I went to move the car round to the other side thinking how much simpler it was to let God's sun do it all for me, only lamenting once that i should have been able to do it myself by force...some of us and I mean me are slower than others eh? 

So, I went out to take pics of Shoveling Therapy thinking of Dan's rakey stone yard.  When one doesn't have stones or grass I suppose one makes due with what is offered right under the nose. 

How to
Say Goodbye
To my lover
Who never loved
Anyone
As he could not love himself
Rushing headlong
To being what he was not
Could not
Fathom
Wasted in the depths
Wanting to know
Reaching to know
Fingertips firmly slipping
Weighted feet
Stone
Left through time
Things seen blindly
Let fly
Like fluffy snow
Falls fast in winter
Blink
Gone
Will Spring come?

--elisa